Tuesday, April 22, 2008

Lame G.I. Joe Week: Part 2

In honor of the upcoming G.I. Joe movie looking terrible, I'm going to spend the week profiling the lamest G.I. Joe figures. Lameness will be based on Looks, Specialty, and Character. This is Part 2.



Pictured here is Raptor in his natural habitat.

Looks: Let's get the obvious out of the way...he's dressed like a bird. He has an impractical set of wings (which I'm pretty sure are just part of the bird motif and not intended to be an actual glider...right?). He's got feathers everywhere, plus a bird headdress which incidentally gives his figure a gigantic head. I don't really see the need to go on.

Specialty: WOW. Raptor is a tax consultant and falconer. I can kind of see why having trained killer falcons can come in handy, but a tax consultant? I just don't see a ruthless terrorist organization being all that concerned with paying taxes (presumably to the very same U.S. government they work so hard at trying to overthrow). Even with his falcons, I don't quite understand why he's kept on the Cobra payroll. It's not like there's a lack of highly advanced fighter jets, or troopers with jet packs to fill your air support needs. Maybe as security or a hard core version of the trusty carrier pigeon?

Character: Again, he's a guy who dresses as a bird. His file card states that he also sits in a giant bird cage, which might just be taking things a bit too far. I only have one comic that he appeared in (since lost to the sands of time), but I remember him being kind of sneaky and following some ninjas around. It takes a lot of guts to follow ninjas, so he's got that going for him. He was one of the many late 80's Cobra characters to be killed off, so there's probably some untapped potential here. Or not.

For some reason, I can't bring myself to hate Raptor. Maybe a man dressed as a bird is kind of endearing, or maybe I just felt sorry for him. I even feel kind of guilty writing about him for Lame G.I. Joe week. RIP Raptor.

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